3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
