Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found your dick twin last night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
