I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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