Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
