i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
