It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
