plz talk dirty to me
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
