This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize