Soap is not a condiment
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
