you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
