i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
