I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
