What a fucking waste of an outfit
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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