He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
