Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
