now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
