Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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