11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
