Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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