Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she smelled like a LAN party
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
