ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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