sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
