Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
pop tarts are not kleenex
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
