if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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