she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
