That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
