i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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