A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
