We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
