I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
