Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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