Me too!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
