you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
