Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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