Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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