Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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