This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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