Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
