Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
