:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
