new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
