I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
