I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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