do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize