the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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