No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's even glitter on my cock...
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