He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
