i would punch a child for taco bell
Say something about gay babies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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