Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize