He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
