Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize