To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
