alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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