so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
