just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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