so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
