Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize