Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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