remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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