sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
50% drunk capacity currently
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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