You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
