Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
