Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
