:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a bag of teeth...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
