I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
