The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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