I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize