Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
