Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
