I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
