guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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