where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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