The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dick has a subreddit
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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