I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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