Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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